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This is my worst nightmare. I'm in the bus and going to a disable children's house called Seri Mengasih. It's a fun journey, discussing with my friends Sylves about microbacteria, but still i cannot concentrate on him, because i'm thinking of something else....

Do you have your own phobia? i mean something that you really afraid. Insects, animals, a condition maybe. Hmm, i have a lot for sure. I'm not a phobic man, but certain thing i cannot even look at or touch.

Some insects really frightening me such as a 'more than 4 legs' insects. Or animals. I really hate them. Maybe my past history or experience cause this. But this is common, nothing special about this kind of phobia. Some people phobia of height, and i don't know why they become like that but i'm the same. Why i hate more than 4 leg's animals? This is all about our cerebral cortex function...our cerebral cortex tell us to hate this thing.

One is really unique for me is.. i'm a childophobia. That's why i cannot concentrate to Sylves in the bus. I'm not happy about our journey today. Not really-really happy. Very not happy. Because weare going to visit the Disable childrens house. How can i get into this.

This visit is include in our syllabus, we've visit hospital, folk's home, mortuary, even rural village and i have a lots of fun in every visit. But this time..... A child's home? I cannot take this. I'm really phobia to children.

That's why in my family, all my aunties never ask me to take care of their children. And none of my cousins really want to be with me. Cause i'm phobia to them. If they get near me, i will put a barrier between them and me. And lots of my cousins afraid of me. But strangely, when they grow up a bit, they start to understand me, and they never labeled me as a bad person but they really know what type i am. All my cousins like me sometimes. Always like fun thing that i do. But still they know i'm a child phobia.

The only persons that know i'm a child phobia is my mother, father, sister, aunties, uncles, and my grandmother and grandfather. They know why I just sit quietly when my family visit a house with a baby or small children. I cannot control control myself is to just keep quiet and observe.

Contrast to me, my sister really love kids. She want to be a kindergarten teacher(she say so but now she is a Plant technology graduate). My mother also like children, my father also. I cannot describe, everyone seems to like children, baby, kids. But i don't. I want to runaway from kids if i can. I don't know why i become like this.

What if i have my own kids? My own baby? Hmm.. i'm going to think about it, but for sure i will not phobia to them cause looking to my attitude when i'm with my small cousin and when i'm with the other kids. It's different. I still can play a little bit with my small cousins but with some kids that don't have any realation to me, i won't say anything or will ignore them. Phobia to them. So thinking of this, i feel like i will totally love my own children in the future. If i think about it now,.......... i love them if i have.

But the main point now is, i'm going to this Child's house.. I'm going to die.

And finally, to shorten then story, what i do in this visit, is the same thing as before.... i just keep quiet and observe. and sometimes speak to my friend sylves, but not to the kids. I feel like i want to end the visit as soon as possible.

Once, Nadrin ask me to touch one of the kids there, if my friends realize that i'm the only one who never touch a children in that visit. I cannot. I'm scared. Phobia to it. Only my mother know about this. My family know. But my friends did not. Only, sylves, Nadrin, and Aaron know that i'm a childophobia.

So after the visit end, i feel very happy because i can go back to the hostel where there is no childrens there.

I'm very sorry because i've become like this. But i'm sure that i can change someday. Maybeif i have my own kids. But for now... ......i'm a childophobia.

-A Senior student in Seri Mengasih are doing woodwork. Better then me i think cause i really did not know how to any woodwork.

This is also a senior students doing some work...making a card i think. They are paid for this work. This school is great for disable child.Give a lot of benefits to them

Walking..walking... Seri Mengasih is a small school( it's actually nota school anymore, it's a center for disable children).

More of the student doing their daily job. They are well trained. They produce a high quality of art work.

This is the teacher in the center. Blur picture because they tell me to "go away, you are blocking the way!". Kahkah...Red background, actually we are in the sensory training room (if i'm not mistaken)

Sekolah Seri Mengasih, Front gate, where my breath almost stop when i reach here. I don't want to be a paediatric.

Classroom, even though their age are almost the age of the secondary school student, but their classroom look like a primary school one, or kindergarten. They were slow in developement who say here, some are Down's syndrome, William's Syndrome, and many mentality problem cause by abnormality in choromosomal number.

Me, with Nadrin sitting in one of the classroom. Well, we are flashing back our memory when we are in primary school. For your knowledge, maybe someof us think this classroom is like kindergarten, but when i was in primary school, it really look like this. My primary school is small and poor. A village school. So when i was here in Seri Mengasih, i felt like i'm going back to my primary school (my primary school not exist anymore or have been upgrade to a modern one). Nadrin feel the same thing to.

p/s: Seri Mengasih only get fund from people donation. If someone want to donate, please do so. But i forget their phonenumber. But still you can find it easily here in Kota Kinabalu Sabah. Just say Seri Mengasih, people will know because they are famous for their artwork, cards etc.

p/s: What if i become a childophobia for the rest of my life? Nope! For sure i will change. I remember when me and my friends gather ( reunion) a few years ago, and one of us say, " I feel like i want to be father now if i could" and we all say, " that's true, if we can". But i don't want to have any responsibilty now. The only thing i want is to become a doctor, a ferrari car, a house, and lots of money. Wakaka...what kind of doctor i will be? ;-P.


  1. heheh. takut budak errhh? aku tak lah takut budak, cumaa aku tension sama si ibu atau bapak budak kalau ndak pandai kasi senyap anak durang kalau anak durang nangis. ari tuu aku dlm bas di sini 1.30 jam, sepanjang perjalanan tu laa si anak ndak brenti nangiss. rasaa mauu jaakkk akuuu harik arahh parents diaa tuhh.. huhuuu. tension tau, kalau dlm kapal terbang lagi.. du uii!!!! tension ku kalau durang nangiss ehh
    p/s mcm la aku ni tak pernah nangis time kecil dulu =P

  2. Aku rasa ko bukannya fobia in the true sense of the word, cuma maybe ko tak tahu macam mana nak handle dorang. feeling inadept, awkward around them etc. aku pon pernah rasa mcm tu dulu.

  3. So when will i change?


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