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To have something is to lose something

Never surrender. That's all i know that i can do. I won't give up.

At first, to have something is to lose something for me is a rubbish sentence.We can have anything in this world if we work hard without losing something. It's the payment for our hardwork. But still this philosophy is haunting me.
I love philosophy about life. I love when someone describing our life using anything that exist in this world. If we look deeper, we sure cannot find the true meaning of life, but we can describe it the way we want to. That's why i love to think about something, anything that i saw, i feel, and i experience.
Lots of thing happen in my life for this 19 years. Well, i'm going up to 20 years old a few days onwards. Hmm, 20 years old. what should i do on my 20th birthday? I sit back again and i start to remember each birthday celebration that i had. I can remember it clearly. Sometimes blur because i'm confuse about my past birthday celebration. It's somekind like the same thing every year. Birthday cake, family, sometimes friends. I enjoy every birthday celebration that i had even it was only a small party.
Flashing back to my 17th years old birthday. I'm in form 4. I went outing from the hostel andmy family gave me a suprise party when i reach my house. I have my birthday cake every year you know. Even we did not celebrate my birthday, but cake is obligate. And every year i received my birthday present.

18th years old birthday... my friends start telling me to do illegal stuff...well they mean illegal stuff for under age person. passing 18years old is very hard..keke.. Everything you want to do, suddenly you will be stop if you still below 18years old. So when i rach 19years old, i'm feel like i want to be free.

But still the same i am. I've change for sure, but i still look like i was in form 4. Or form 3. Still the same old zaki. But now more serious i think. I'm going to be serious with my life now.

I have almost everything when i was 19 years old. Lots of experience i gain when i was 19. Now i'm going to be 20. I want to stop doing crazy stuff. I don't know what crazy stuff i did. But teenage boy should always live life for fun. Happy go lucky. So maybe every 19years old boy dping same stuff like me. But for sure, a lot of them did not. Because living in Labuan, Sabah, living in hostel, non hostel school, everything i've experience. Joining hip hop gangsta, joining school gangsta, everything i want to try. I'm sticking with my principle, YOU CANNOT TELL SOMETHING IS BAD IF YOU DID NOT TRY IT! I appy this to a most of what i've done. But sometimes there is exception. Because sometimes you think it logically. I don't want to bring a lot of responsibility into my adult life. Think about it!

Finally i'm settle in UMS medical school. I'm seeing my future now. If i put a more determination and more hardwork, i will get my future soon. But i know, to have something, i will have to lose something. Is this thing true? I don't know. I'm scared about it. Cause entering the medical school that i want,... i have to lose someone. I'm starting to believe about this. I'm starting to become more curious about a lot of thing.

I'm seeing this life like car. To produce energy, we must burn another energy.

Life cannot be destroy but it can change. And everytime it change, you will lose some of it.

See...see.. i'm losing 20 years of my life time just to enter this medical school ( i lie because when i'm born, i never think of becoming doctor. I start to think about it when i was in primary school)

zaki. 24/02/2006


  1. wahwah9:45 pm

    orang kampung sunsuron,

    ihhhhh hebatnya abang zaki

  2. The reason you write is because your a hollow shell of a human enjoying the materialism that we call reality today.....boy. Welcome to the machine.


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