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Got what in heaven?

I went to Shah nadrin (my friend) room, and i smile. Even though i was so sad, but i can show it. I still smile. This is my problem.

Bad new come and go. What we get we will deserve to lose it too. Everytime i woke up in the morning, i start to think, why i'm still breathing? Why i'm still here. Why i still have a gut to live?

Because i still have a chance to live, but most of the thing i can't do. Most of the thing is so complicated for me to think.

I want to stop thinking, but that is the only thing i good of. Thinking .... thinking something useless or beneficial.

Beside thinking, i smile. Like a crazy one. I smile..thinking about my life, what have i done, what have i do wrong. So many.

I still go to my Drama practice after receiving something that almost killed my happiness. I have no more mood to talk, to walk, to smile. But still i talk, walk and smile.

And for the first time last night. I seriously think about heaven. Whatz in it? What thing they got there in heaven?

For the first time i want to know the answers but i can't. cause everything not in our reality. It's abstract.

For most religion, each of them describe this ehaven is beautiful place, is a quiet place. Its the most great great great place to live.

But for what i think, did they have what we have here in this world. Is everything in this world exist in heaven?

Thing is very complicated, and i will never know the answer for a very long long time. But i'm sure that i can predict whats in there....

I'm sure, every technology that we have here in this world exist there... cause God is so powerful. God know everything. God can create everything.

But the thing that i want to make sure is... about our family. Did my family exist there? I come to think about it again and again.......

And at last i make a conclusion to myself that i will never know about it until the time is come..

But i'm very sure about it...that even though i can't say that there will have Internet. or Jet plane there cause i'm not really sure about it, only God knows, but i'm sure that there will be my family inside it. That is one thing that i'm really sure....

In the morning,
i woke up like yesterday,
but this morning,
it was so cool and dark.

In the morning,
i went to my class and meet my friends,
But this morning,
I feel like friends isn't important as i thought they is.

In the afternoon,
i ate my lunch like yesterday,
But this afternoon,
I can't even taste what i ate.

In the night,
i was reading book like last night,
But that night,
my phone ring...
and i heard...
that you are already there in heaven!

Al-Fatihah to my Grandfather that just pass away yesterday afternoon when i was doing my SLP.

And the last time i met him during Chinese New Year... He was on the hospital bed smiling when i come.

And i know from his face that he's proud of what i'm doing now to become a doctor.

And when i know that he pass away yesterday.... i'm stuck here on my own feet.

Cause i can't even go back to his funeral. Cause i'm here studying. And i feel so guilty about it...

" You don't need to go back, the funeral is already over, everything is done. Just pray to him. And keep up your study, and don't disturb your concentration for the examination" is what my mother told me.

And i'm not going back. Not because i did not respect it, but my life is only about the choice. I choose to stay. And i will pray a lot to you.

And when i finish my exam, and i have time later, i will go back and went to the graveyard as the first thing i will do..

And i'm very sorry..... very sorry... and i don't know wether you will listen to me again. but i'm really sorry, and sorry, and sorry , and sorry, and sorry. Sorry for even not frequently visit you in the hospital because of the same reason. Sorry.



  1. Memang ada a number of descriptions pasal syurga in the Quran and the Hadith, tapi keseleuruhan nikmat syurga tu takkan terjangkau oleh akal fikiran kita. Yang penting kita pasti dengan janji Allah kepada mereka yang mentaatiNya.

    Al-Fatihah untuk arwah datuk kau. Moga ditempatkan di kalangan para mukminin.


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