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The way I am.

Chucky Charlie Dark Chocolate...

Why my blog given this kind of childish name? For fun?

Everything happen because of something. But lots of people did not want to learn that something. A lot of people will always remain the way they are. Someone is cold, and someone is warm. Which one am i?

Do you ever think that a person writing this blog is a warm and friendly person? Since when i became so friendly? I never are a friendly person. The most hated thing of mine is ice breaking. I hate searching for friends. For me, searching for friend will led you to your enemy. It is same as in war. Trying to find more allies will end you up in a kind situation where you will eaten alive by your allies.

I did not give up my friend. A lot of them are kind person... only a little bit of not understand. Something, thing are simpler as a b c but then when things became complicated, it would never be as simpler as it was before.

Do people always think that i am a give in type of person? Since when i became that kind of person? haha. I'm trying hard to neglect that, but when people think that i am that kind of person, i was so happpppyy so much...ahahaha. Because since i was born, i am the youngest in the family and i will never give up doing something, and i never give in. What's wrong for me is always wrong for me.

Am i forgiving? Since when i became a forgiver? I will feel a lot better if i forgive but i won't. I grew up as an unforgiven. I never forgive people. My quote "I don't have the right to forgive human".

I don't have hatred. I'm lying here. Haha. I'm full of hatred for every smile and **** i give to everyone. I still remember my friend when i was in secondary school said to me " I don't believe that you are so full of hatred and revenge, i thought you are just ok ok type of guy". This stung me. But it's the way i am.

I'm so kind, never get angry. Haha. I hope to be that. I am so rebellious until i can fight with my own mother over something. When i say no, it will be no. I'm so good at controlling my anger. But do people ever see me became so angry? I won't tell but when i do, what's inside me is only a demon. I called that demon ascap46.

What i can tell is, i'm so full of hatred, revenge, anger, unforgiven, negative, negativity inside me is so negative.

But somehow, i'm trying to be better person. Day by day, i will always try to control myself, to give in, to forgive, to be better from before. because i know that someday that i need to love someone, to love my family, to give in to someone, to let my anger flow without hurting person i love, my family, my friend who support me.

A lot of philosophy has been pushed inside me, from my parent, from rhyme, from book, and everything. I digest everything and i would became someone with my own philosophy. I will make my own.



"Are you becoming softer nowadays?"

NO! I will never let people decide something for me. I decide myself. Go fuck yourself if you can't control me.

I've been one tough act to follow.


Comments

  1. Nobody has the right to control us.
    It's true.

    Forgive and forget is the hardest thing to do..(even for me). At least a small scar will be left inside your heart when someone did something bad to you.

    p/s: when we pissed off with someone or something,always remember Allah..:)

    ReplyDelete

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