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1. Have you ever been rejected before? Do you had that kind of feeling? The feeling of anger, sad and other 10-20 different feeling that you can't describe?

2. I've been rejected so many times yet everytime i still feel the same thing. I hate that feeling.

3. The latest rejection happen today in Haematology ward. I was building a good rapport with a patient, talking about his family, his illnesses, his problem, and how he feel and try to be emphaty to him. He was cooperative and warm to me.

4. The purpose i was there is to observe the procedure of Bone Marrow aspiration that usually only done in Tuesday, i missed one this morning and this patient is my last chance.

5. The time when the procedure start, i asked again the patient whether we can observe or not. This is a routine, you cannot observe anything without consent from patient. That is a rule in medicine. I asked nicely and politely to him and the answer i get is so polite too... "maybe not". I was confused or that patient is confused? What is the meaning of maybe not. For a brief minutes, the awkward moment last. The moment when i don't know exactly what is the meaning of "maybe not". it is a rejection which is put so vaguely until no party can be harm by it but eventually it hurt a lot.

6. I was so mad, waiting for almost 30 minutes and spend time talking with the patient yet he do this to me... Just hate it.

7. Rejection can be in any form but everytime, the impact is still the same. You will feel hurt in your chest. A discomfort feeling that came from unknown origin inside your thoracic cavity. And i get it. Why people always said that if you want to reject, you need to be honest and not to put it vaguely. because it hurt more. Maybe if the patient just said no to me, it won't hurt that much. But with the answer "maybe not"..... hate it.

8. I wonder why medical student need to ask consent for every procedure observed while nursing student rarely do this. They may do this but hardly they are rejected as much as we do. maybe because the mentality of everyone is - a nurse is always there and student nurse is a nurse, but for a person who are wearing labcoat, not a nurse, not a doctor also, so they became confused. What the hell is medical student? I guess


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