Finally, I was back in Kota Kinabalu (KK) after more than 4 years master study in KL. When I left KK, I never think that I will coming back, even though I know I will, but 4 years was such a long time for me. I could not imagine being in someplace else for 4 years then you have to comeback again. 

    It was a hard and painful experience for me, emotionally, as I have to be parted with my family again. In 2016, I experienced the same thing when I went to KL alone to pursuit my study. Then in 2018, my wife came to KL to further her study. and for 1 year period, I feel like that was it. Living in a unit, with my wife and kids. A lot happen in that 1 year period. 

    Then 2020 came, with a big crisis. A pandemic. Everything suddenly became so blurred. I can't see the future when the pandemic started. I did not know what to expect. 

    Even though it was hard, it was also a blessing for me. Because of the pandemic, our exam were postponed. I get to spend more time with my family. Another 6 months with them in KL. Staying at home was not that bad if you have your family with you. 

    Once I said to my wife, that I am truly grateful that I'm with them when the world was in lock down. I could not imagine what will happen if we were locked down in separated places. That would be a nightmare. 

    I remember a quote from Avengers movie, it goes something like this "no matter how much you run from it, hide from it, avoid it, but destiny will eventually come to you". This really happen. No matter how much I enjoyed the 6 months extra time with my family, my destiny always find me. Thus, on 29th January 2020, I walked out Kota Kinabalu International Airport alone, with my one luggage, finally back at home, but it didn't felt like I'm home. 

    Again, I am alone and separated from my wife and kids. I don't know what to say. Life is unfair? What a cliche.    I've been in KK for almost a month now. I was supposed to be the first local microbiologist. I was supposed to be the first permanent microbiologist in my old hospital. Hospital that made me a doctor. The place where I trained and serve for years. But, I guess the plan was not mine. 

    I was allocated to serve in another district hospital which is very far from my home. Another side of Sabah. As for now, I have to complete my gazettement for 6 months in the place where I supposed to belong. Then get transferred again. It was so mess up. My wife and kids in KL, I will be in another place, and my house in KK will be left again empty. I do not know what is happening, I didn't plan it this way. 

    This entry is a bit personal but I really want to put it out. I don't really understand this plan. I can't find the logic behind it, no matter how much I try it will still be illogical. I am powerless, hopeless, and confused. 

    Didn't expect this turn of event at all. Those who were taking master now, think about this. Is it worth it? 


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